You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
