Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
