You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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