You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
