I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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