Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
