I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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