Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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