I hope mine doesn't look like that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
