Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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