Got a toothbrush?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize