Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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