I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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