dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
