Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
