Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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