I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
