i think my tv is drunk
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
