Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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