Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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