Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
