so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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