Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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