I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
