I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
