Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
