Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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