yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
