ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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