You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
