Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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