i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
is that a dick in a sweater?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
