I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
