You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just want to make out with him forever
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
