WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
