According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
soo... how was my night?
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