i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
