I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
