No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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