Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
