I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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