ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
