ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
