he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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