I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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