My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
