I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
