I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she looked like the before picture.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
