No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize