Do you still have your period?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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