I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
