So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
