I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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