i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
