So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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