You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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