Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
