Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
