i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
