Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
