Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
