Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
