Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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