Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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