I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They are going to name an STD after you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
