She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
