its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
