yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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